Monday, December 20, 2004

Feel Good by Numbers

The world is a horrible place and it won't get any better I'm afraid.

While the planet lurches from one crisis to another disaster, the general public just carry on with their lives, hoping for things to get just a little fairer. Realists will know that it won't get better, but it would be nice if it was fairer.

Personally, less than a week before Christmas (and yes, it is CHRISTMAS, none of this holidays crap) and I don't feel festive, nor do I look forward to the weekend with any relish. I'm not being a scrooge - I don't begrudge anyone having a great Christmas and I hope that many people do, but it isn't the same any more. Christmas starts in October and runs through till 12th Night. It has become the unnofficial season between autumn and winter. It used to be a special few days a year, something to look forward to even if you weren't a little kid - now by the time the actual day rolls around it has grown old and stale. There is a house down the road from me that has had its decorations up (every year) from the middle of November. One wonders why?

And to round it off, I'm facing the prospect of foresaking my traditional Christmas dinner this year for something either Mediteranean or Asian, and guess what? I'm quite looking forward to it...

Friday, December 10, 2004

Hey You

The world has gone PC mad. This made me so angry because it is so stupid and it appears that people don't realise just how stupid it is...

Father who smacked son banned from home for six months
The Guardian

A father who was spotted smacking his young son during a shopping trip was barred from his own home and separated from his family for six months, it emerged yesterday.

Earlier this year, a detective putting up murder inquiry posters in Chorlton, Greater Manchester, saw the 41-year-old giving a single smack to the bottom of his three-year-old son. The father, who cannot be named for legal reasons, pleaded guilty to common assault at Manchester magistrates court yesterday.

Bail conditions imposed by the court and social services had banned him from the home he shared with his partner and two children - including a new-born baby girl - as he waited six months for his case to come to trial.

He was also prevented from having any unsupervised contact with his son, and for several months was not even allowed phone contact with him.

Yesterday the man said that the ban had punished not just him but his entire family.

"My partner had to look after our son and bring up our baby all on her own for six months because I wasn't allowed to be around," he said.

"It's not just been punishing for me, it's been punishing for her and the kids. I was dealt with really unfairly."

Magistrates in the case, which came only weeks after an attempt by rebel MPs to outlaw smacking completely was defeated in parliament, placed the man on a two-year rehabilitation order.

They heard how the father had been out shopping with his partner, their son and their baby daughter in June this year when the incident happened. The three-year-old boy was misbehaving, and the father smacked him and was spotted by the detective.

Don Fletcher, prosecuting, said: "The policeman went to speak to the defendant and a security guard also saw the defendant lash out with his right hand and strike the small boy on his bottom."

The boy, who was lifted into the air by the force of the slap, began to howl, drawing the attention of other shoppers.

But Sara Lewis, defending, explained that the child had run out in front of a car, placing himself in danger, and that his behaviour had pushed his parents to the end of their tether.

She said the father, who wanted to bring the boy up properly, had accepted that the force of the slap was a little excessive and was sorry.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Undecided

I received a gift today - a very special book from my past.

It put me in a reasonably good mood for the rest of the day.

There was this program on BBC2 a few years ago called Life Laundry, where this lifestyle guru (a contradiction in terms, if ever there was one) helped people declutter their lives. Thoroughly dull TV, yet an inspiration nonetheless.

It set me thinking about why we keep things. In some circles it's called 'collecting' but generally it's just hoarding. But of course this tunnel vision is open to discussion. If you have a large record and CD collection and regularly play most of the music is that hoarding? If you have a collection of hardbacks by your favourite author(s) and you will read these books again, is that hoarding? What about stamps? Or people who collect all kinds of nonsense like Beeny Babes (I've got that right, haven't I) and trading cards and such like?

We're all capable of obsession - whether it's a full blown 'I wanna be a Klingon' obsession or the fact you'll buy the new Grisham or Hornsby novel when it comes out, we all like to keep things as our own.

Over the years I've collected a number of things and, more importantly, kept hold of a number of inconsequential items that at some point in my past, may well have held some kind of sentimental value, but now are just objects of a one-time desire.

It's different if you have a large or extended family, there's always someone you can leave your shit to when you die, especially if your other half doesn't want them, but what if you're on your own or in a dwindling family? If what you have means so much to you, think about this - despite you being dead, some bloke, probably from the council, is going to come round and bin the lot - all the stuff you've spent years keeping in good condition, all the stuff that your remaining relatives would rather see in a skip than boxed up heading towards some auction house.

The expression ephemeral is often used in conjunction with collecting and ephemeral means 'of the moment' or 'throw away'.

The problem is parting is so difficult.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Crimes of the Future

The first pint I ever bought cost 22p.
The first packet of cigarettes I ever bought cost me 12p
I'm talking new money here - new money meaning decimal money.
We're talking the last 33 years or there abouts.

Apparently back in 1976 when I bought my first packet of fags the government duty was something 2p, so a sixth of the money for fags went to the treasury. Now a packet of fags is about £5 and now about two-thirds of that goes to the treasury.

The same with booze. Duty on a bottle of wine is the same regardless of whether you spend £3 on plonk (£1.20 goes to the treasury) or £300 (£1.20 goes to the treasury). Madness really, but of course it's all designed to make sure that the poor pay more than the rich. Doesn't matter who is in power the balance of fairness is never going to be ... fair.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Like Leila Khaled Said

Had a conversation at the weekend with a mate who claims that evolution has already started, or more precisely mankind has played a part in its own evolution.

We live in a convenience world. I get so annoyed in supermarkets when more and more space is taken up with ready meals. However I get pissed off royally when I find pre-cooked, prepared vegetables in packaging, ready for you to just stick in the microwave and dish out. At £1.99 for a small amount of veg that would cost you about 40p if you bought it fresh, I think this just about sums up our lazy culture of burgers, sitting in front of the PC or TV and generally being unhealthy slobs.

The next stage in human evolution will be oversized buttocks, shovels for hands and natural Burberry skin tone.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

All of this and nothing

Wouldn't it be really good if the press and ponces of this country spent more time worrying and concerning themselves with the way the country is slowly eroding rather than spending acres of time and money on whether or not David Blunkett is dodgy.

Far too much onus is placed on the public side of politics - isn't it about time the press and ponces actually had a look at all the work being done? But of course that doesn't sell their particular brand of bile, does it?

Life's What You Make It

Watching The Wright Stuff on Channel 5 for about five minutes this morning it made me realise what horrendous memories people have. It also showed me what a complete arsehole Andrew Collins is, but it doesn't surprise me, he was a middle-classed smug conservative twat when he went to Weston Favel Upper school and performed in his band The Absolute Heroes.

As you can guess one was the guest on the other and Collins, with his square jaw and hollow eyes, was quick to have a go at David Blunkett, the current Home Secretary, suggesting that we should do everything in our power to see the man out of a job. In fact the program - The Wright Stuff - is a very pro-Tory kind of show. I've tuned in a number of times only to switch over quickly because I've found the 'holier-than-thou' attitude of Matthew Wright to be offensive and smug. He seems to love surrounding himself with a host of sycophants and people with similar fascistic tendencies, so I shouldn't be suprirsed that I find the program quite offensive.

In fact, in the immediate wake of Collins' Blunkett mention there was a flurry of anti-Blair and Labour sentiment peddled out. 1996 is only 8 years ago, you know. 8 short years is all you have to go back to remind yourself of what this country was like before Labour came along. If you really think we're worse off now than we were after 18 years of Tory rule then you really are a twat of infinitessimal proportions. Sure Blair is a bit of a wet and some of his ministers are nothing more than yes men, but they aren't Michael Howard, or IDS or Bill Vague or John Major or Maggie bloody Thatcher milk snatcher!

Programs like The Wright Stuff should not be allowed to be areas of political bias or opinion - especially not from the presenters. It claims to want to discuss issues of importance, yet allows itself to be a platform for Wright's own political bias. Perhaps he should leave the country, he's basically just an offensive little twit.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

The Way it is

This morning The Guardian's G2 supplement ran an article that suggests that (cow's) MILK might be bad for us!

Yet another in a long line of products that are now 'potentially' harmful to human beings. I don't give a shit what the mortality rate in 1930 was, I think people were probably a damned sight happier smoking filterless cigarettes, drinking beer, eating lard sandwiches and generally wiping arses with anything remotely papery that came to hand.

Many years ago I remember joking with friends that they should avoid using pink toilet paper, because the dye in it has been known to be carcinogenic. Many of them actually believed me.

I'm trying to rack my brains for something that hasn't been classed as bad for us at some point in my 42 years. I get really amused when I hear that something is bad for us and then several years later we discover it is actually good for us after all.

I'm also amazed by people who get ideas in their heads that specific things are bad for us. One stupid posh bint I knew reckoned that garden peas were 'good for man nor beast' and were just something we ate because they tasted nice... ???? There was this apocryphal story floating about that turmeric was a pointless food colouring in Indian food. Curcummin, which turmeric is, is one of those natural spices that is just dripping in good things. Run a google on it if you don't believe me. There's an irony involving saffron here, but you'll have to work it out yourself.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Themes for Great Cities

I'm fed up with this planet. It is spiralling out of control. If the last generations of dinosaurs had conscious thought I'm sure many of them were aware of their demise long before the meteor tore the continents of the Americas a new arsehole. I mean they'd floated around for millions of years in one form or another, they must have started to realise that time was running out for them?

That's how I feel. I look around and I see the world in miscrocosm around me.

Life is a struggle. It might be more comfortable than it was 500 years ago, but it is still a struggle. If we've got to put up with this shit we might as well be warm and have some shelter - of course not even that is afforded to many.

I think about the people who have more money than sense, or more money than is fit for them, and I look at kids in doorways on cold, wet, nights and I think regardless of the reasons for this it is grossly unfair that one man can spend £25million on a man who can kick a football, yet £25 will get a homeless person off of the street and into a shelter, for up to a week.

It pisses me off that the press can spend more time trying to expose the sordid lives of our politicians and celebrities, when what they should be doing is showing the rest of the country and world about social and civil injustice, because it takes place on a street near you every single day of the year. Who really cares what a single person is doing when there are still children on the poverty line. Surely our governments should be tackling the reasons why society is breaking down at its lowest levels, rather than waste money fighting someone elses wars.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Welcome to the Machine

I've grown tired of seeing everything I want constantly remain just out of my reach. It's almost like some all-powerful thing is watching me specifically and stopping me from attaining my nirvana.

For the last four years we've had Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings thrust down our throats - but more importantly we've had New Zealand rammed into just about any orofice. New Zealand has always been the brunt of sheep jokes, even managing to beat the Welsh into 2nd place. But it now seems that New Zealand is the hippest and trendiest place on the planet.

Many years ago I sort of hoped that New Zealand could be the place I spent my latter years - not my retirement, my latter years. Over 20 years ago I wandered into the NZ High Commission, for what was essentially a bit of a larf, and ended up chatting with a very helpful young Kiwi for nearly an hour. She told me that NZ had had a steady population drain since the mid 1970s and it looked quite easy to emigrate. I mentioned that I'd be looking at emigrating probably somewhere between 40 and 50, she didn't really think that would be a problem, but this was circa 1981.

Now getting into NZ is a bit like trying to escape from Alcatraz. It's probably easier to move to the USA than it is to NZ. 23 years ago I was perfect, now I'm too old, have no relevant skills and don't have enough money! The country is still losing 0.05% of its population a year as more and more of the young go to Australia, the USA or Europe. The clock is ticking too fast for me now.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Living in the Past

Diversity is a bad thing.

Diversity led to war.

Free will leads to diversity which leads to war.

Conscious thought leads to free will which leads to diversity which leads to war.

The biggest fear for the Americans during the 1950s was a world over run by those pesky communists with their hive mentality and disregard for personal wealth.

It was easy not to want that kind of thing if you lived in the western world. I mean growing up and seeing limited pictures of what life was like on Soviet streets made you quite pleased we had food mountains and stocked cupboards.

Problem is communism - pure communism - is actually, probably, the fairest way for humankind to live. You see diversity causes wars...

For starters, there's about 5 billion people too many on this planet.

Wars start when people want something someone else has got. Or they start when someone believes in one thing and someone else doesn't believe the same thing. Diversity gave us religion and you know what diversity causes... The more people that are born, the less likelihood we all have of living in a harmonious world. In fact, I'm genuinely concerned that during my life time we might see something so catastrophic that should make the heads of the leading governments change their priorities - but of course it won't. Because once you've had one catastrophe, a second one is easier to accept.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The World I Know

You suddenly realise how old you're becoming when one of the icons of your youth dies, unexpectedly.

John Peel is dead.

If I listened to his late night radio show a dozen times in my life I'd probably be exaggerating a touch. Actually, that's a lie, before punk arrived Peel was worth listening to if you liked prog rock and even when he shifted from 25 minute rock operas to 2 minute thrash fests you could always find something of interest. Still, I know many people who loved John Peel but very few who regularly listened to his radio show. Yeah, sure, there were die hards and devotees, but if you go by the coverage today you'd think that Peel had over 50 million listeners every week. The truth is most people remember John Peel for his voice and the fact he became synonymous with advertisements and voice-overs on TV documentaries as they will with him discovering British music's heart and soul.

But Peel's death, from a heart attack, aged 65 resonates with me more because he represented another era of celebrity. An era closer to my involvement with the world I know.

When I grew up watching the little black and white box in the corner of the room, the people my parents watched were alien to me. If Bruce Forsyth suddenly appeals to a younger generation of people (thanks to Strictly Come Dancing) it is probably down to the parents and grandparents blowing his trumpet for him in the living rooms across the country. "Here kids you should watch this guy, he's a great entertainer" and suddenly there's a huge Rolf Harris backlash and the kids are searching for a new OAP to idolise. The thing is Forsyth aside, back in the 1970s Mum and Dad's TV heroes weren't yours. Your TV was aimed at your parents even if it was designed for you.

The 1980s did a lot of things, but one thing it did for us was make the word 'accessible' more accessible... Televisual advancements and technological breakthroughs meant that there was a diversity never before seen. As a group of people, those who were in their most formulative years during the 1980s, this was our time - a time when TV belonged to us as much as it did to the fuddy duddies. We helped shape the revolution and it wasn't just TV, it was radio as well and through 1980s radio John Peel became one of us. Now he's gone, not the first and obviously not the last, but a noticeable absentee all the same.

But Billy Connolly is 62 now. All of those famous faces from our youth are either on the verge of collecting their pensions or have been for a few years. Brian Cant is in his seventies for God's sake!!!

Brian Cant was one of my 60s and 70s icons, yet he's actually older then Val Doonican, who may well have been one of my parent's or even grandparents icons.

Death becomes more of a regular feature in your life when you get older. When you're young you tend to forget that everything dies, eventually.